national service @ PLKN

evening after dinner
sms by friends
" hey, faster check whether you kena ns anot! "
" wow, perhaps i din't kena la... half half mind "

* ns >> national service

online searching website for checking ns name list
www.khidmatnegara.gov.my

typing in my i/c number to check on
loading...
loading...
loading...

as the page loading, my heart pumping faster and faster
i'm ready to scream out after the result is shown
page already loaded half of it...

TAHNIAH AND SELAMAT MAJU JAYA
ANDA TELAH TERPILIH DALAM SENARAI PLKN

（ i could remembered this sentence until now! )

!!! oh my god
i can't accept the truth that i have been selected to join ns
all at a sudden!

i keep staring at the screen
hope that i have not see it wrongly
i remain this position for few minutes
sit on my chair with blank mind
after that only can i find back my 'soul'
七魂已不见了六魄
call my mom to double confirm what have i seen
" just accept it, you see how lucky you are "
said my mom with laugh
hey
stop it

suddenly
all my mood goes down
and become depress
i can't control it
it is out of my control that time
sorry about that...
i think that i would stay calm when i receive any of the result
i don't think that the result is all out of what have i expect
my mood is really naturally goes down

a feel of unspeakable sadness in my heart
i quickly share my result with my friends
and of course YOU
some been selected as me
some are happy because not selected
my gang
almost are not selected to ns
oh no,
left me? and few of them?

some still CONGRATULATE me and other of my friends who been selected
it make me fell more depress
at least give me a console,
care...
but not keep saying 'congratz'
to those who saying that

until the time i'm go to sleep
i still thinking of it
still the sadness in my heart
i'm suddenly have a strong feel that i want to hug someone
someone let me to hug
no body, but a BUN luckily
a bun
i can't hug a bun
what can i only do to it is SAYANG
feel comfort to myself
THX ^^

安慰的拥抱
一种治疗心的良药